Thursday, January 18, 2007

now that's hot.

This story happened about a year and a half ago, but i though it was good enough to repeat.

Jeanne and Sophia returned from a trip with a present for Daddy: hot sauce. Now, I know about hot sauce and hot peppers; I grow my own jalapenos and cayennes, I even make my own salsa and hot sauces. Upon opening the gift, I found that they had gotten me a bottle of novelty hot sauce called "357." How cute, I thought, named after a gun, the .357 magnum. Novelty sauces are usually high on gimmick wrappers, but low on flavor and heat. This time I was wrong. I knew the sauce boasted of being hot, but hey, I'm the guy who eats fresh jalapenos. I put one respectful drop on a chip and savored. It was hot, but not outlandish, actually a bit sweet. It got a bit hotter before I swallowed, but just as that one drop hit my stomach, I developed a new respect for "357."

Within 5 seconds of consumption, beads of sweat formed on my forehead. A second behind was a euphoria of convulsion followed by the thought that I was two seconds away from passing out. It was horrible. I haven't put ice on my tongue since I was 10 years old when I mistook wassabi for guacamole, but my tongue had been stuck in a 220 volt outlet. It took five pieces of melting ice in a row to tame the fire. To say that 375 was hot would be an understatement. After we silenced the fire alarms and my girlish shrieking, I looked on the internet to see how hot this stuff really was in comparison to a jalapeno. On the Scoville scale, the gage for hot peppers, a normal jalapeno rates between 2,500 and 5,000 - my "357" actually meant 357,000 on the Scoville scale.

Needless to say hot has different levels. You can use your own application of hot or heat here. Just the memory even warms me up on the inside.

If you are really into it, buy some yourself.

Below is a distributor’s sales pitch…

** 357 MAD DOG Hot SauceTM **
Finally a super hot sauce that tastes like real Chile peppers. This killer sauce is packing 357,000 scoville units of heat. One hit will blow you away! We blend ultra pure 2,000,000 scoville heat units of Chile extract, fresh Habanera peppers, 160,000 scoville super Cayenne peppers, garlic and onion to makes a sauce that can truly take your breath away. About five-seconds after you taste the recommended dose of one drop prepare your mouth and mind for five to 20 minutes of agony that all true chili-heads fully understand and appreciate. Because it's so powerful, the average chili freak can get 200,000 mind-blowing, fiery doses in each 5-oz. bottle

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