Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Do you play the game? Relationships are not a game but they should be a priorital pursuit.
“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” – Charles “Tremendous” Jones
I”v been thinking lately of the power of relationships. Relationships are a powerful force and often difficult to define, analyze or substantiate. Its a good thing we get to talk about building healthy relationships instead of some other more complicated aspect of them.
Some people are born extraverts and built for many surface relationships, while others gravitate toward fewer people in their life but cultivate depth...A Servant Leader Builds Healthy Relationships.
1. Find out who you want to build relationships withMake a top 10 list of the things that make for the best relationships. This could be anything from someone who is a giver to someone that is tall. You get to pick whatever you think makes a great relationship and use that to help you decide who has those qualities. Once you create that, list 3 people with the most qualities on your list.
2. Pursue upward relationshipsIf you want to have a happy divorce free marriage, here is how to do that, maintain friendships with happy married couples. If you want to make lots of money, here is how to do that... become friends with people who make more money than you (infact you can determine your annual salary by finding the average salary of your closest 5 friends). The point here is that you can maintain status quo by maintaining current relationship status or you can make friends with peole who are better than you. Yes, that means you will become a better person too.
3. Flesh and blood is best but there are other waysSome of my best friends are authors and speakers who have yet to have the privilidge of meeting me. But they are still friends that influence my life. Sometimes i need a friend to listen, sometimes i need my friends to instruct me. Sometimes i need a friend with skin on sometimes I dont.
4. Be thankfulWhen i become friends with new and interesting people, i try to think them. A quick email or text message saying how i appreciate their friendship them. Last night I spent time wiht a mentor/friend and after hearing some INCREDIBLE things he is doing (finishing his third book and entering his documentary about a 12 year old African girl who walks 8 miles a day to provide water for her family) I just told him how much more i appreciated his friendship because of the awesome things he is doing for God. Hey, I’ve even been known to send starbucks cards to new friends. Oh, and birthday messages for my friends are a must!
5. Stay in TouchYou ever heard the phrase, “out of sight, out of mind”? Well its, true. I’ve found out that when I take responsibility to keep in touch with friends we usually stay in touch. Of course there are those who endeavor to stay in touch with me too; either way, friends stay connected. A personal monthly email, txt message or call is all it takes. Time over coffee is cool too, if you can find it.
6. Be a healthy relationshiper Not all friendships are created equal. some of my friends are lights years ahead of me in terms of career, finance or just plain better people than me. Some are not quite there yet, but I choose friends of all types. Yes, I encourage upward pursuit of friends, but just remember there are those who see you as an upward pursuit; find time for them too.
So, there it is, a not-complete guide to build healthy relationships. Here is a little secret that makes it all work....make the development and maintenance of healthy friendship one of your top priorities every day!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
What are words for, when no one listens anymore? --Missing Persons
Do you ever feel like everyone is speaking and no one has time to listen?
Words are a positive creative force. Think about it, one good comment can make your day, likewise, one bad comment can ruin it. God spoke the entire universe into existence, talk about the power of words.
Words are all around us but do we listen? We can listen but do we hear? Here is the deal...Smart people seek positive input: they find good influences, they listen and they get smarter.
I found an intriguing article at www.amoeblog.com by Billy Jam referencing a survey about what music people with hi SAT scores listen to. It is totally worth the read! (read it here) For the record, I've listened to U2 since i was 16.
Here are some additional thoughts about smart people an listening.
* Smart people see the need for positive input – they know they need something beyond themselves.
* Smart people find the target - you have to know what you are shooting at, in this case you need to find who you want to speak into your life.
* Smart people makes it a priority - if seeking positive input is important, it must be made a priority.
* Smart people listen - having someone to speak into your life means not just having them talk, but you need to listen.
* And lastly, Smart people respond - having all the info available, knowing the need for outside encouragement, having the right person to speak into your life, making it a priority also takes a servant leaders response. This requires asking the tough questions.
1. Are you tough enough?
2. Are you still enough?
3. Are you ready
A smart person listens; a really smart person listens to the right things. A really really smart person finds the right people saying the right things and listens well.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry James 1:19